I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize