and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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