Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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