I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
