if i can run in heels then i can drive
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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