he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
