I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
