She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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