i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Two words: blizzard sex
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
