just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize