I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
