Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
