like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
