This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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