A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
