You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
