You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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