my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
