is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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