one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
