marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
