Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
