I never want to see another naked old woman again.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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