it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
