I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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