none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
