bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
