i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
