I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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