and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
