I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Is it because I queefed?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
