If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
