No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
