Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
