Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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