Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
