STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
