I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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