We named our party play list daddy issues
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
