DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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