i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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