Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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