Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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