I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
