Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
