On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Never joke about your clitoris.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
