I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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