the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
