he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
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