Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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