Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
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