We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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