I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
