She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
