So gin and wine won't be happening again
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
