Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Ketchup is God's man juice
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
