yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
