FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
