She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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