She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
