why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Randomize
