how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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