I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
