I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
