just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
