accomplished twins. life is a go
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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