I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
