Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
