Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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