So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
