I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
