i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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