watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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