I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
