captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Bring me that man meat
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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