Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
